


Thinking of Him

by me_llamo_nic



Category: BtVS - Fandom, Jossverse
Genre: Ficlet, Gen, canon character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-07
Updated: 2010-08-07
Packaged: 2017-10-10 23:50:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/105805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/me_llamo_nic/pseuds/me_llamo_nic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone's thinking about him...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thinking of Him

**Title**: Thinking of Him  
**Rating**: PG-13?  
**Warnings**: Canon character death.  
**Summary**: Everyone’s thinking about him…

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Xander

                Why wasn’t I there that night? I told Willow I would meet her there, didn’t I? Maybe I could’ve helped him. Maybe it could’ve been me instead. Shouldn’t it have been me? God, he’s dead. …And I’m alive. Why am I alive? What difference can I make? He’s the one who deserves this life. What have I ever done? Damn it! Why is he dead? How sick is this world? He’s dead and I wasn’t even there. Why is he dead? Why the hell is he dead? …What am I supposed to do? How do people deal with this feeling? Why is the world like this?

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Willow

                I can’t believe it. Why did this happen? Why did it happen to him? Not that it would be all that good no matter who it happened to, …but he was so good. And he’s always been there and now he’s not. How are we supposed to deal with this? Shouldn’t we have been able to do something? I was there…I should’ve helped him somehow. I wish I could have done something. But he’s dead. And we’re supposed to get up and keep going, but I don’t know how. He was always there, smiling and laughing with us. And now he won’t smile again. He won’t do anything again. He’s gone. And we’re supposed to keep living. Buffy just keeps going. How does she do that? How can I do that? I don’t know what to do.

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Buffy

                I failed. Why wasn’t I paying attention? I was fighting them. I should have been able to stop this. That’s what I’m for, isn’t it? I’m supposed to stop this kind of thing. It’s my responsibility – my calling –my destiny to stop this kind of thing. And I failed. The Slayer is a failure – where does that leave the world? I let everyone down. I failed in my responsibility. I let Willow and Xander down. I definitely let him down. And I have to keep acting like it doesn’t kill me inside. It’s not like I can tell anyone. Willow and Xander don’t need to hear about my guilt; they need to grieve. Giles would probably just say that these things happen. That the Slayer can’t save everyone. Is that the harsh truth of it? Even the Slayer can’t save everyone. I have to live with this. I have to go on. I have to be strong. I can’t let anyone down, but someone will always be let down. And it’s my fault because I can’t save them all. Why can’t I save them all? I have to try harder. I have to be better. I have to save them all. Even though I can’t. I don’t want this. This is exactly the opposite of what I want. Why do I have to be the chosen one? Why can’t I just be Buffy? Why can’t I be like Willow and Xander? It would be easier to feel their pain than mine. Because it’s all my fault.

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…Jesse.


End file.
